Monday, November 29, 2010


"Beer good. Foamy."

Season 4 Episode 5: Beer Bad.

I had a truly great time with my laydeez tonight. Theresa, Allie... I truly cherish you!

And Rock Band is much better WITHOUT a bitch on steroids trying to take over my drumming (which is of course awesome).

Buffy's gone B.C. Without the Raquel Welch animal skin-kini. I'm pretty sure whatever Xander said was something similar to that.

And if you don't know, Buffy is the best show ever.

End transmission.


Monday, November 22, 2010


You know, I actually had a good day at work today. I was a little slow on the getting ready, but I still got there and was clocked in on time. Today I didn't fret about the schedule or breaks or whether or not I would get all the boxes done. I must have been subconsciously saving it up.

The above picture is of my friend, Kerry Lynn Friesen. I met Kerry Lynn this summer by a cosmic blast of colliding friends. Not even kidding. I could try to explain but then you'd all be thinking about Kevin Bacon. (What with the degrees of separation and all.)

After work I headed over to my parent's shop to pick up some thanksgiving stuff from my mom. She was pretty busy, as it is monday and most barbers take monday off. (It's a barber supply store.) Since she was busy I decided to fool around on the internet... you know... check facebook. I noticed something was up with my feed. Nearly everyone I knew had posted on Kerry Lynn's wall. Stuff like "I love you" and "You are a light" and "I remember when". I texted her best friend...

Last night one of the most amazing women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing (and I don't use that lightly) took her own life.

Now I don't know what to feel. I only knew her a short time, but in that short time we definitely had some history making moments, talks, laughs. She is the only person I have EVER known personally to d i e this way. I feel like I'm out of myself when I say it. Like it didn't happen.

I'm not part of the inner circle, but I did love her. She handled every situation she was ever thrown in with grace and poise. She was a beautiful asset to our ugly city of selfish people. She shone with true brightness through it all.

Kerry Lynn, I love you. I miss you. Rest peacefully.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Barking at the Moon

I wanted to blog today, but I wanted a soundtrack. At first I turned on my iTunes, then I decided to visit my old friend Let me tell ya, I'm sure glad I did. There's nothing quite like turning on a "radio station" (for lack of better term, which I'm sure is out there) and hearing one of the best songs ever.

The first time I heard Jenny Lewis's "Barking At The Moon" from the Bolt soundtrack I was sold. I had never seen the movie and had just moved back in with my parents. Needless to say, the song took on a deeply personal meaning.

Back when I was 21 I used the excuse that I was going to join a band and moved to Lafayette, LA. I knew when I committed to leaving Kansas that my excuse was a flimsy one at best, but I was determined to find some way out of Manhattan. Don't get me wrong, despite my ill feelings toward that town, I'll always remain a K-State fan. But I had to get out.

Of course when I got to Lafayette I realized that my original reason for going there (i.e. the band I was planning on joining) wasn't going to be in the city I chose EVER and I needed to figure something else out. No way was I going home. Especially after the first weekend I was there. Internets be damned, but thanks to a little site known as I had virtually met a few good people in Lafayette already who, as it turns out, were NOT crazy internet stalker serial killer people! Amazingly they invited me along to get togethers and shows upon my immediate arrival. They offered me places to live, food, music, jobs, livelihood. Throughout the 4 1/2 years I called Lafayette home I met some of the best people in the world in my opinion. Even those friends of friends who no longer lived in the city at the same time as I did, I now call friend. I was extremely lucky to have come across a place like that in my life. Nowhere else would I have been able to thrive and grow as I did.

Upon my dumbass decision to move back to, of all places, Manhattan, KS, I hit up some difficult times. Horrible people, horrible situations, double talking two faced lives. But the way I lived, the people I knew, the things I learned in Lafayette is what I had to fall back on. I knew I had to go forward and ended up back at my parent's farm. Away from everything. That's actually where I heard this song.

The song is about making anywhere you are your true home. Because home isn't a place. It's not a town, an apartment, a school. Home isn't physical. Home is spiritual. It is a feeling you can have. About yourself, about the people and things around you. Home is being comfortable no matter what the situation and knowing there is nothing that you can't handle. And on the occasion where you find there is something more difficult, the feeling of home is knowing you are strong enough to ask for help.

How can one person get all this from one single song? Well, it took a lot of soul searching throughout all these last 10 years. Plus a really amazing song writer with a great sounding voice.

So now I think I just might honestly be able to say, at 2 years south of 30, that I am indeed "home". Wherever that may be geographically.


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

What I (think I) do best

Last summer I got on a mixtape tangent. I made several for friends and strangers. There was one that stood out in particular. In my opinion, the best mixtapes are those that have feeling, not necessarily a cohesive theme, but just a feeling of cohesion through random choosing. This was one such mix. I have no idea how I came up with it, but it's been my favorite up to this point. I'm now sharing it with you.

It's called 13 hours because the particular person it ended up going to lives in Baton Rouge.

1. TV on the Radio/Dancing Choose
2. Blonde Redhead/Dr. Strangeluv
3. Charlotte Gainsbourge/IRM
4. The Make-Up/They Live By Night
5. Television/See No Evil
6. Grizzly Bear/About Face
7. Pizzicato Five/Twiggy Twiggy (Twiggy Vs. James Bond)
8. PJ Harvey/O Stella
9. The Murder City Devils/Boom Swagger Boom
10. The Modern Lovers/Roadrunner
11. Bat For Lashes/What's A Girl To Do
12. Camera Obscura/The Sweetest Thing
13. Invasion/Eisley
14. Elvis Costello/Sulphur To Sugarcane
15. The Jayhawks/The Man Who Loved Life
16. John Doe/The Golden State
17. Johnathan Rice/The Middle of the Road
18. David Bazan/Curse Your Branches
19. Aimee Mann/31 Today
20. Air/Redhead Girl
21. The Dollyrots/Because I'm Awesome

There are some obvious reasons (if you know me) why I put some of these on here. Most of them are truly my favorites off the respective albums of the artists. I hope if they've not reached your ears before that you can find the time to listen. Or just ask me for a copy, I'll gladly walk up and place it in your hand if you're a fellow Wichitonian. This mix is also recommended by 4 out of 5 aliens inquiring about earth music. My abducted neighbor told me so.


Forgetful Jones

November 16th is a long way off from February, if you're going forward from February. If, on the other hand, you're going from November, it's only a short couple months. I only bring this up because lately I keep thinking that it would be nice to blog. To have something that is mine that I can share that will be here forever. (Granted we don't have another digital breakdown/freakout like at the turn of the century.) Plus I can always print these out... right?

So I finally typed into my browser and of course this site came up, with me already signed in and everything. (I hate passwords, so I try to auto remember as much as I can.) I guess earlier in the year, much earlier, I had the same thought. I was going through some changes and didn't really feel like talking about them with anyone so I started this blog. I made one post. I guess that's all I needed because I completely forgot and now I find myself playing "catch up on the last 9 months"!

This is my obligatory fill-in post. I make no guarantees about never having to do it again, but I can tell you that I will try my best. I've had a lot of thoughts swirling in my head, so that should keep me writing for a few weeks at best!

Alright, back on track. Last February I was getting ready to move out of the parent's and contemplating giving it a rest with my then boyfriend, Zach. Well, let me tell ya, it just took one day. Move in day. I asked Zach to help with the big stuff, which at the time was my bed, table, dresser and recliner. Yep, that's all I had to my name. Long story short, he helped then told me we needed to talk. I said are you going to break up with me? He waffled, so I said I thought it was a good idea. Haven't looked back since. In the time since then I've chalked up my attraction to him as temporary insanity. I should have listened when my instincts were telling me it was moving too fast. I should have noticed that I didn't have true feelings for him when I didn't miss him when we were apart. By the way, I'm kinda stupid in the relationship division of life.

Moving onward. April through October was a littered highway of boys and cigarettes. I could take the time to list them, but that always makes me feel young, dumb and completely... well... whorish. But there was one. One I fell for hard. I ended up getting hurt very quickly. Then there was an apology. Then there was a friendship that seemed more of my giving and his taking. In September I had the privilege of walking in a lovely dear friend's wedding. The weekend went off without a hitch! I can only hope that one day (if I decide to tie the knot EVER) I will be as perfect a bride as she was. I had such a surreal time that weekend. A lot of things changed. I realized who my true friends in Lafayette were, I realized that I no longer missed it, and I realized that I could be happy on my own. Well, coming back home to Wichita was interesting. This person who I am at this point in the story "just friends" with decided he missed me after all and was there waiting when I got home. Fine by me, but I still had a lot of processing to do. That was the last night he stayed with me. Sure, we'd meet up for drinks again in the next month. I even invited him to meet my brother and his fiance when they were in town. Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy. Just not the one for me. So that petered off.

Three weeks ago I met David. Full disclosure. I met David on a singles site called OkCupid, which happens to be the same place I met that other guy. What intrigued me about David was his forwardness on his profile. He was willing to put out there that he was not only looking to settle down and have a family, but that he already had one. David is a 25 year old single dad with full custody of his lovely 2 year old son, Connor. (Not to mention he's pretty darn HOT.) I noticed that a friend of his who was also on the site made a recommendation for David. That friend happened to be a guy I worked with and after trolling his page for weeks I finally had a reason to send an email. That same day he came down to an impromptu show I was playing at a local coffee shop called Mead's Corner. We talked, had some coffee, I wowed him with my incredibly mediocre musical ability and then we went out for some cocktails with my newly married friends. He continued to impress. My friends are Abby and Matt. Abby, I've known for years, Matt only since I've been in Wichita. That story may or may not be told. But Matt is an individual. He and Abby are great together, but sometimes I'm afraid he's a little standoffish. He's really not, but sometimes I worry about who I introduce. David and Matt got along like old buddies. Crazy! So, since then it's been moving right along! There is nothing he does that doesn't impress me, and the feeling apparently is not one sided! I've even introduced him and Connor to my parents already, which is insane given the amount of my life I try to keep private from them. They took to them both fine. My dad even got down on the floor and played with Connor. I've even met David's parents (nervous as I was) and look forward to family times coming up.

I can't comment enough on how natural this feels. Given the slow pace at which I typically try to keep a relationship, it is suprising to me that we've already said it. Those three little words that can make or break anything. And it has only become better. Open. Stronger. I love you. I love him. He loves me. DAMMIT, I'M IN FREAKIN' LOVE!

So maybe people can change. I hated kids when I moved back to Wichita and what did I do? I got a job working with kids. Then I started dating a guy with a kid. Who knows. Maybe one day I'll even decide I want one of my very own. Well, maybe.

Until next time. Whenever that may be. My name may still be LindsayMachine, but I think that machine may have ended up with a Tin Man's heart after all.