I wanted to blog today, but I wanted a soundtrack. At first I turned on my iTunes, then I decided to visit my old friend Last.fm. Let me tell ya, I'm sure glad I did. There's nothing quite like turning on a "radio station" (for lack of better term, which I'm sure is out there) and hearing one of the best songs ever.
The first time I heard Jenny Lewis's "Barking At The Moon" from the Bolt soundtrack I was sold. I had never seen the movie and had just moved back in with my parents. Needless to say, the song took on a deeply personal meaning.
Back when I was 21 I used the excuse that I was going to join a band and moved to Lafayette, LA. I knew when I committed to leaving Kansas that my excuse was a flimsy one at best, but I was determined to find some way out of Manhattan. Don't get me wrong, despite my ill feelings toward that town, I'll always remain a K-State fan. But I had to get out.
Of course when I got to Lafayette I realized that my original reason for going there (i.e. the band I was planning on joining) wasn't going to be in the city I chose EVER and I needed to figure something else out. No way was I going home. Especially after the first weekend I was there. Internets be damned, but thanks to a little site known as www.toldbyanidiot.com I had virtually met a few good people in Lafayette already who, as it turns out, were NOT crazy internet stalker serial killer people! Amazingly they invited me along to get togethers and shows upon my immediate arrival. They offered me places to live, food, music, jobs, livelihood. Throughout the 4 1/2 years I called Lafayette home I met some of the best people in the world in my opinion. Even those friends of friends who no longer lived in the city at the same time as I did, I now call friend. I was extremely lucky to have come across a place like that in my life. Nowhere else would I have been able to thrive and grow as I did.
Upon my dumbass decision to move back to, of all places, Manhattan, KS, I hit up some difficult times. Horrible people, horrible situations, double talking two faced lives. But the way I lived, the people I knew, the things I learned in Lafayette is what I had to fall back on. I knew I had to go forward and ended up back at my parent's farm. Away from everything. That's actually where I heard this song.
The song is about making anywhere you are your true home. Because home isn't a place. It's not a town, an apartment, a school. Home isn't physical. Home is spiritual. It is a feeling you can have. About yourself, about the people and things around you. Home is being comfortable no matter what the situation and knowing there is nothing that you can't handle. And on the occasion where you find there is something more difficult, the feeling of home is knowing you are strong enough to ask for help.
How can one person get all this from one single song? Well, it took a lot of soul searching throughout all these last 10 years. Plus a really amazing song writer with a great sounding voice.
So now I think I just might honestly be able to say, at 2 years south of 30, that I am indeed "home". Wherever that may be geographically.