Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Forgetful Jones

November 16th is a long way off from February, if you're going forward from February. If, on the other hand, you're going from November, it's only a short couple months. I only bring this up because lately I keep thinking that it would be nice to blog. To have something that is mine that I can share that will be here forever. (Granted we don't have another digital breakdown/freakout like at the turn of the century.) Plus I can always print these out... right?

So I finally typed into my browser www.blogspot.com and of course this site came up, with me already signed in and everything. (I hate passwords, so I try to auto remember as much as I can.) I guess earlier in the year, much earlier, I had the same thought. I was going through some changes and didn't really feel like talking about them with anyone so I started this blog. I made one post. I guess that's all I needed because I completely forgot and now I find myself playing "catch up on the last 9 months"!

This is my obligatory fill-in post. I make no guarantees about never having to do it again, but I can tell you that I will try my best. I've had a lot of thoughts swirling in my head, so that should keep me writing for a few weeks at best!

Alright, back on track. Last February I was getting ready to move out of the parent's and contemplating giving it a rest with my then boyfriend, Zach. Well, let me tell ya, it just took one day. Move in day. I asked Zach to help with the big stuff, which at the time was my bed, table, dresser and recliner. Yep, that's all I had to my name. Long story short, he helped then told me we needed to talk. I said are you going to break up with me? He waffled, so I said I thought it was a good idea. Haven't looked back since. In the time since then I've chalked up my attraction to him as temporary insanity. I should have listened when my instincts were telling me it was moving too fast. I should have noticed that I didn't have true feelings for him when I didn't miss him when we were apart. By the way, I'm kinda stupid in the relationship division of life.

Moving onward. April through October was a littered highway of boys and cigarettes. I could take the time to list them, but that always makes me feel young, dumb and completely... well... whorish. But there was one. One I fell for hard. I ended up getting hurt very quickly. Then there was an apology. Then there was a friendship that seemed more of my giving and his taking. In September I had the privilege of walking in a lovely dear friend's wedding. The weekend went off without a hitch! I can only hope that one day (if I decide to tie the knot EVER) I will be as perfect a bride as she was. I had such a surreal time that weekend. A lot of things changed. I realized who my true friends in Lafayette were, I realized that I no longer missed it, and I realized that I could be happy on my own. Well, coming back home to Wichita was interesting. This person who I am at this point in the story "just friends" with decided he missed me after all and was there waiting when I got home. Fine by me, but I still had a lot of processing to do. That was the last night he stayed with me. Sure, we'd meet up for drinks again in the next month. I even invited him to meet my brother and his fiance when they were in town. Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy. Just not the one for me. So that petered off.

Three weeks ago I met David. Full disclosure. I met David on a singles site called OkCupid, which happens to be the same place I met that other guy. What intrigued me about David was his forwardness on his profile. He was willing to put out there that he was not only looking to settle down and have a family, but that he already had one. David is a 25 year old single dad with full custody of his lovely 2 year old son, Connor. (Not to mention he's pretty darn HOT.) I noticed that a friend of his who was also on the site made a recommendation for David. That friend happened to be a guy I worked with and after trolling his page for weeks I finally had a reason to send an email. That same day he came down to an impromptu show I was playing at a local coffee shop called Mead's Corner. We talked, had some coffee, I wowed him with my incredibly mediocre musical ability and then we went out for some cocktails with my newly married friends. He continued to impress. My friends are Abby and Matt. Abby, I've known for years, Matt only since I've been in Wichita. That story may or may not be told. But Matt is an individual. He and Abby are great together, but sometimes I'm afraid he's a little standoffish. He's really not, but sometimes I worry about who I introduce. David and Matt got along like old buddies. Crazy! So, since then it's been moving right along! There is nothing he does that doesn't impress me, and the feeling apparently is not one sided! I've even introduced him and Connor to my parents already, which is insane given the amount of my life I try to keep private from them. They took to them both fine. My dad even got down on the floor and played with Connor. I've even met David's parents (nervous as I was) and look forward to family times coming up.

I can't comment enough on how natural this feels. Given the slow pace at which I typically try to keep a relationship, it is suprising to me that we've already said it. Those three little words that can make or break anything. And it has only become better. Open. Stronger. I love you. I love him. He loves me. DAMMIT, I'M IN FREAKIN' LOVE!

So maybe people can change. I hated kids when I moved back to Wichita and what did I do? I got a job working with kids. Then I started dating a guy with a kid. Who knows. Maybe one day I'll even decide I want one of my very own. Well, maybe.

Until next time. Whenever that may be. My name may still be LindsayMachine, but I think that machine may have ended up with a Tin Man's heart after all.

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